Jedi and Ghosts and Stories, Oh My!
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: Vader gets a visit from the ghost of Qui Gon Jinn and finds that the ghost has gone a little off the deep end. Humorous oneshot. OOCness.


**Jedi and Ghosts, and Stories, Oh My!**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**A/N: Done for a challenge on theForce . net. It's pointless. **

**WARNING: OOCness**

**Disc: Don't own.**

* * *

Vader stood staring out into space, deep in thought.

"HELLLOOOOOO!"

Vader whirled around. "What in Yoda's name?" He snarled. Then, his mouth fell open. Standing no more than a meter away was a blueish-white Qui-Gon Jinn, grinning widely.

"You!" Vader gasped.

"MEEE!" Qui-Gon snickered. "Hello, my old friend!"

"I'm not your friend!" Vader snarled, taking a step towards the ghost.

Qui-Gon shrugged. "Fine, you're not. I only knew you for a few days, anyway. I just thought I had to incorporate the phrase 'old friend' into the scene. Every old guy in movies uses it nowadays. It's always 'my old friend' this, and 'old friend' that. And I'm old, so I guessed I should use it."

Vader gaped at him. "Are you insane?" He exclaimed.

"No, just dead." Qui-Gon paused. "At least… I think I'm dead. I'm pretty sure I'm dead." He frowned. "Am I dead?" He looked down at his stomach and tried to poke it. His hand went right through. He giggled. "Nope, I'm dead!"

Vader growled. "Have you come back to lecture me on my turning to the dark side as Obi-Wan does?"

"Heck, no!" Qui-Gon shouted. "Man, I'm here to HAUNT YOU!" He laughed and put a glowing blue arm around Vader's shoulders. "Kid, let me tell you a story."

Vader tried to shrug Qui-Gon's arm off his shoulders, but as the Jedi was a ghost, his shoulders went right through his arm. _Dang. _"I don't want to hear a story," he said sulkily.

"Too bad."

"Don't you have something better to do? Someone else to haunt?" Vader snarled.

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I'm dead! I have all the time in the world." He laughed again, causing Vader to inch slowly away. "Now, listen up. Once upon a time-"

"That's old."

"I'm dead – what do I care?"

Vader glowered at him and folded his arms across his chest, his breathing becoming continually louder.

"Now shut up and listen. Once upon a time, there was a man." Qui-Gon stared off distantly into space. Vader blinked.

"That's it?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "What?"

"You said there was a man. That's all?"

"That's all what?"

Vader wished so very badly that he could strangle the Jedi. "That's all of the story!" He thundered.

Qui-Gon frowned. "No, it's not!"

Vader put his helmet in his hands. "Take me now…"

"Yes! Then you'll be a ghost too, and we'll have forever to chat."

"On second thought, I'm going to find the way to immortality."

Qui-Gon glared at him. "Just be quiet while I finish my epic story." He cleared his throat and lifted his hands. "It was a day like no other… and the Jedi Master knew his time had come. He would face the Evil Creature of Doom if it would cost him his life." His voice had taken on an airy tone. "So, he battled the creature… fought it to his last breath… and then…" He paused dramatically.

"And then?" Vader pressed.

"Then he died."

Vader stared at him. "That's it?"

"Yep," Qui-Gon nodded.

"How boring. People die all the time."

"But they don't fight E.C.sO.D!"

" 'E.C.sO.D?"

"Evil Creatures of Doom."

Vader had had enough. "Go away now."

Qui-Gon laughed. "What are you gonna do, kill me?" He chuckled again and slung his arm around Vader's shoulders again. "Man, Anakin, this is the life!" He paused. "Or death, whichever. I party all day and haunt people I hate all night long. It's a blast!"

"Good for you. Now leave."

Qui-Gon opened his mouth to speak, but then suddenly, Obi-Wan's ghost appeared. He was grinning, and he had some sort of drink in his hand.

"Master! Anakin! How's… how's it going?" Obi-Wan looked a little bleary.

"Are you drunk?" Vader demanded.

"What?" Obi-Wan said. "No… I don't think sho… maybe…" he began to tip over, but Qui-Gon caught him by the shoulders.

"Well," Qui-Gon said to Vader, "this has been fun, but there's a party in Ghostland and a drink with my name on it! Ta-ta!" He grinned and disappeared with Obi-Wan.

Vader vowed immediately to find the secret of eternal life. Maybe that was why Palpatine wanted to stay alive for so long…

* * *

Luke gazed out into the forest of Endor in deep thought. He hoped his father finally at peace in the realm of the Force…

"HELLLLOOO!"

Luke whirled around, and he blinked. "Father?" he said uncertainly.

There stood Anakin Skywalker, grinning widely, both arms slung about two other Jedi – one being a younger Ben, and the other an older Jedi he didn't know.

"Hey, there, sonny-boy!" Anakin crowed. "I've come to say hello." He paused dramatically. "So, hello!"

"Hello," Luke said, startled.

"This is Obi-Wan," Anakin said, nodding to Obi-Wan. "He's the guy who chopped all my limbs off and left me to die in the lava pit." He paused again. "What a great guy!" He said cheerfully. "And this is Qui-Gon, the guy who croaked when fighting the E.C.O.D."

"Excuse me?" Luke said, puzzled.

"Evil Creature of Doom," all three ghosts explained.

Luke nodded slowly. "Okay…" he looked at them harder. "Father… are you… drunk?"

"Heck, no!" Anakin giggled, slowly tipping over. "I'm just… a little… woozy…" he blinked. "Uh, guys, I gotta go."

"Someone's gotta use the fresher!" Obi-Wan snickered.

"I'll talk to ya later, Luke," Anakin said, smiling sickly. "But I gotta zip. Bye now!"

Luke watched as Obi-Wan disappeared with his father, leaving only the older Jedi. "Nice to meet you," Luke said uncomfortably.

"You, too!" Qui-Gon grinned. Suddenly, he smiled slyly. "Hey, do you want to hear a story?"

Luke shrugged. "I guess."

"Great!" Qui-Gon's face became dramatic. "Once upon a time… there was a man…"

THE END

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**Told you it was pointless. But who listens to me? I did warn you.**

**- Serena **


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